I found the free pattern for this cool guy here but I modified it slightly to fit my crocheting style. I've copied the pattern here and broken it down a bit so it's digestible and understandable for beginners (like me!)
Okay now on to the nitty-gritty. Here's what you'll need to start learning to crochet:
Yup, that's it! But don't worry, I still managed to muck up that much. I thought I'd be practical and buy a skein of yarn that I'd be willing to use (wear) in a project down the road, but that I could practice with in the mean time (so no fire-engine craft yarn red). Thus, I picked a soft acrylic of a natural tone (pictured below). This wasn't a bad idea in concept, however the yarn itself is very fuzzy, like REALLY fuzzy. It was hard to make out what was and wasn't a stitch when I tried working with it. It's not very tightly wound, it got caught on itself, and was basically a mess for a less-than-novice to work with. It was also a bit heavy of a weight, which might or might not be more difficult to work with, I think it just depends on your style.
I have been an avid Goldfish Cracker eater for the major chunk of my 24 years where I've been able to consume solid foods (so, for most of it). As such, I believe I'm well qualified to identify when a particular cracker is, or is not, a true "Goldfish." Thus when I purchased a large 30oz-could-probably-feed-one-average-sized-family-for-a-month-but-I-can-burn-through-in-like-a-day sized carton at my local supermarket a month or so back, I was extremely disappointed at what I found to be the contents of this box.
For a product whose first ingredient is allegedly "smiles," I can only dub these creatures as Zombie Goldfish. Not only are they not the snack that smiles back until one bites their heads off, but these satanic creatures are emblazoned with an eerie encircled plus sign that I can only discern must be the mark of some diseased cult or hoard (or the mark from the production machine that squirts out the dough into the fish shaped molds, but where's the fun in that?). Not only do these grotesque creatures make up the large portion of my carton, they're extremely dense (not just of wits!) and unpleasant to taste, although for the sake of this letter let's pretend that I dared not to consume them, lest I contract their mutilated disorder (or accept the manufacturing malfunction -- again, boring).